The days go by.
I don’t think there has been a day that has gone by where I haven’t thought of you. When I wake up in the morning it’s my first thought, you. I neglect to get up and shut off the alarm instead I just let it ring, I try to huddle up to the warmth of the bed and as I lay there I think of you.
By the time the alarm rings three times I’ll get out of bed. Slowly clamor off the top of the bunk and shut it off. I put my pants on and my socks and a shirt and sweatshirt. I think about how we had bought them, or you for me. And I smile.
I pack up my backpack and think about how this time in the next year I’ll have help to pack it up… or I won’t be awake this late. Not this late, because then I wouldn’t have the chance to wake up with you, to cook together, to prepare ourselves for the day together. Then to tackle it to the damn ground together.
At this time in the morning I’m the only one awake, everyone else is silently sleeping. I try not to make any noise, like I do when I try to walk out after tucking you in at night from your house. I don’t want to make a noise because I don’t want to disturb your sleep, or your mom or dad’s for that matter.
As I walk out of my room lock the door I think about the security of us, how safe I feel with you and how safe I feel about us. I walk outside and let the music and the outside world flow over me. This is the time when I think about you the most.
I think about your dark hair, the softness of it and the smell, and however many times I bury my nose into it and smell, it never has lost the ability to completely sedate me. I think about how when you touch me I freeze, I’m paralyzed I feel like I’ve lost all control but at the same time I feel more alive than I have ever felt. I think of your eyes, how no sky, no ocean, and no artist could ever capture the beautiful blue of your eyes. I think about how softly you touch me and how the sweet caress makes me the most docile of all moments. And I think of your embrace, so sweet, so loving, and so caring. It is home for me. In your arms. I think about that every day.
The happiest parts of my days now are spent thinking of you, thinking of the experiences we’ve had together, the times we’ve made, the time’s we’ll have to come to make. The thought that we’ll be together in less than a year. Together together. The fact that in 32 hours we’ll be together makes me shake. I can’t wait, I really can’t. I’m getting impatient, nervous, like I’m going to meet you for the first time.
See, when I think about you I think about everything, the first time you came over to my house. When we first pressed our lips together and felt that sweet embrace. The times we just simply held hands, are some of my favorite sweetest memories. Times when we were unsure but then talked and resolved all of our doubts and worries. Times where we talk about the future, times where I can’t even begin to express how much love I have for you because I feel like if I tried I would burst.
The point of this I guess, this tome, is to tell you that There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about how much you mean to me, how much I am in love with you, how much I want to be with you and, how much I would give for you. And being able to recant this to you from my mind makes me feel free. Expressing my love for you is removing every single chain of doubt, worry, stress, anger, hate, frustration, or any negative emotion from me. I feel amazing with you. See the fact of it all is, I love you so much Nicole, you mean everything in this world to me.
You don’t even understand.
– Myself, actually. While exploring certain substances I came upon this quote… now I feel like today it has more weight than ever. Not onlly in the sense that, “you have no idea where I am at right now mentally!”, but that emotionally today it is a “you don’t even undesrtand”. Upon waking this morning I woke up to find that my keys were missing, which as of last night were being pillaged and raped by my mother. So while father is trying to sleep off whatever from the night before of bowling, my mother is running around like a chicken with both genitalia and head cut off trying to find the keys. Swearing and cursing and yelling they both began to blame me for the problem of the lost keys. Now, obviously it is not MY fault that the keys were missing, but I”m used to this game so I went along with it. “Sure, it’s my fault” ”No it’s the backpack in the car that’s important” ”OF course it’s not mine it’s Nicoles” After an argument that spanned INTO first hour I exclaimed “Fuck it.” went out side and called AAA. I set up so a tow truck would come today and break into my car to steal the backpack which would be returned to it’s rightful owner by a squad of screaming banshee police cars and eighteen cobra helicopters. Sadly none of them showed up and it was simply brought to school. Now first hour was a little interesting because we didn’t do anything, so I sat and listened to Notorious BIG and Public Enemy. Second hour I didn’t have any of my stuff for about half the hour, so I sat and listened to more music. I left class to go get my backpack and go take a shit, and I saw Nicole in the hallway which brightened my day a little more. It seems like each time I see her everything gets one notch better. So after I got back to second hour, my teacher commented and said “Well, that took alittle while” to which I promptly responded, “Because I was shitting so much. I walk slow after that sort of ordeal” and sat down. Third hour is when it hit me that I would be spending the next day and a half with my family who would be floundering over themselves to suck my brothers dick. So basically I was the nineteenth wheel on this trip. So, as I had to part with my one true love, oh wait wait wait… I forgot to tell you that INSTEAD of going on a road trip with my parents to go have them tell me how much my brother has succeeded and how much better he is than me, I could be partying with the girl i love… Robotrip and Car Ride anyone?
By the use of the language of sorrow I had for the time being obliterated my sorrow—so powerful is the charm of words, which for us reduces to manageable entities all the passions that would otherwise madden and destroy us.
– Severian, The Shadow of the Torturer
I was once touched by his Noodly Appendage, please people if you want to live the lives of luxury and happiness go out and touch someones appendage. taht…. that sounded wrong..
HIS noodly appendage, not your friends noodly appendage.
btw Borderlands is rockin’ the shit. Almost 25 waiting on the next level for a shotty and smg. <3
